I Kissed Dating Goodbye

Written by Kevin Harper

Sunday, 28 August 2005

Book review: I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris I read this because my oldest became a teenager last year. Of course, he's nowhere near dating age, but I wanted to look at different ideas on the practice of dating and courtship. I must say, Joshua Harris makes a good case for his point of view about dating.

He's a young guy, and can really relate to teens and those who are of dating age, so it's not like some parent giving ivory tower advice to teens. He's really living out his own advice, and sharing the struggles and rewards of his approach with his readers.

I highly recommend the book for dating-age teens and their parents. The book isn't as radical and ideologically driven as it sounds. It's actually a very practical way of looking at the subject. Don't misunderstand the title and assume that this is a legalistic book intended to make harsh rules for you or your kids that aren't in the Bible. That's not what it's about at all at all. Go into it with an open mind and you'll be pleasantly surprised at the godly (and profoundly simple) advice Joshua Harris gives to his dating-age peers.

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Harris Doesn't Tell the Whole Story
written by Steve , May 27, 2008

Just realize that Joshua Harris is quick to state all the defects with dating but doesn?t share the defects with his approach. This includes not mentioning the historical problems that occurred at his own church including before he as the Sr. Pastor.

I have a blog that shares some of my thoughts on this book:

http://www.ikdg.wordpress.com

I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Wisdom or Foolishness

Good points, Steve
written by Kevin , May 27, 2008

I think it's a point well-taken that there are flaws in any "system" or approach to such a complex thing as a relationship--whether that is girl/boy, husband/wife, father/son, etc. I thought Josh did an adequate job of pointing out that he's not a legalist about this, nor is he against male/female friendships.

I just think his concept, while not new, deserves some serious consideration as a counterpoint for teens and young adults who have considered nothing other than the serial dating approach.

Quotes from the book
written by Kevin , June 01, 2008

I went back and read portions of the book after your comments, Steve, and was impressed with how even-handed Josh was about the subject of dating and courtship. This confirmed my original take-away, which was that there are great ideas that are indeed very wise, none of which should be confused for Biblical law.

For instance, in the Introduction, Josh writes:

"I do not believe that dating is sinful."

"I won't say that it's never appropriate to spend time alone with someone. At the right time in a relationship, if t he motive is clear and the setting avoids temptation, going on a date can be healthy."

In Chapter Nine, "Guard Your Heart," he tells about a girl named Jessica who had taken these concepts and formulated them into rules of behavior, somewhat like a flowchart. Josh critiques this approach as well, emphasizing that he is not being legalistic in this.

So let's be fair to Josh; while there are people who have made legalistic rules out of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," that seems to go against the author's intent.

In fact, we could also say that about other authors Paul or James, for instance. :-)

Thanks for the Response Back
written by Steve , June 19, 2008

Thanks for responding to my post.

I also appreciate seeing quotes from the book that you shared.

I do think had Harris shared more of the problems that have occurred over the years with his approach people wouldn't think of it as such a perfect "defect free" approach.

He can say a few words like that but still not do all he could do to prevent this from becoming legalism.

I do see it not being a bad approach for teenagers. One of my biggest issues is when the same guidelines are given out to singles in their 20's and older.

Additionally
written by Steve , June 19, 2008

You might also see my blog entry that talks about things Harris observed with his own church but doesn't acknowledge on his website. That is he discovered there were problems with how the singles related at CLC but doesn't share these problems on his website.

Not sharing this where it would be more widespread boggles my mind. It sounds like he might be between a rock and hard place.

chess
written by Tera Patric , June 25, 2008

Hey nice site guys. Anyways thought ide suggest some dating times. 1. When on your first date alwas start as friends, that you want get hurt if things dont work. 2. Smile and be happy. 3. Listen. Girls like to share so be an open ear. 4. Have a good laugh so that the first date is remeberd.

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