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 Ok women, brace yourselves....
I’ve read many marriage books and attended many bible studies on this topic and I have to say that most of the time wives are given the easier pill to swallow when it comes to resolving marital conflict. There seems to be an undertone that the real problem lies with our husband, but in order to make peace in the marriage we must accept our small percentage of the problem. After all, we have to admit that it takes two to argue, right?
While this book has a lot of repetition, it was a much-needed kick in the pants for me to recognize that I am equally responsible for my part in any conflict. The basis for this book is Ephesians 5:33 where the man is told to love his wife and the wife is told to respect her husband. The author asks, “Why is it not the reverse? Why aren’t wives told to love their husbands and the husbands told to respect their wives?”
He goes on to make the point that men and women have different core needs. A man needs the respect of his wife at the deepest level of his being. The deepest need for a woman is not respect, but love. Because we are so different, we tend to give to our spouse what we need, not recognizing their own deepest need.
This book explains simply that men and women see (and hear) things differently and that causes a misinterpretation of motives on the part of our spouse. As women, we have a tendency to treat our husbands much like we would a girlfriend, and he does not belong in that role. He will not interpret things the way our girlfriend would. Because he is male, he will interpret things through his “blue glasses and hearing aids” as we are speaking through our “pink megaphone.”
It’s a cycle that can be stopped by recognizing the different ways men and women process information. When our husbands are sensitive to the fact that our basic, most important need is love, we feel fulfilled in our marriage. Likewise, when we are sure to respect our husband, it diffuses this “crazy cycle” and we get back on the path of love and respect.
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